Woman Taking More Pleasure Applying Lip Balm Than Making Out With Boyfriend

Photo by Tree of Life Seeds from Pexels

Discovering the pleasures of spreading it all around her lips and enjoying its beautiful smell, Elizabeth Tottenham has been taking more joy from her vanilla-scented lip balm than from making out with her boyfriend.

“It’s delicious and it feels so good on my lips, making them feel soft and smooth, the smell of the bourbon vanilla taking over my olfactory senses to provide me with this unique sensation I can’t get elsewhere”, said Tottenham, whose boyfriend will never be able to compete with her $2 lip balm in stick form which she can enjoy in the snap of a finger at any given time.

“I noticed how she doesn’t feel anything anymore when I kiss her, it’s all about her damn stick now”, said her boyfriend, who knows he’s about to lose her to a mixture of beeswax and shea butter.

Sources reported that Tottenham is currently planning on ditching her boyfriend to spend more time taking care of her delicate lips, and evidence shows that she sold the necklace he bought her so she could buy a new strawberry-flavored lip balm in bulk.



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Mathieu Boumal

I’m a comedian and writer originally from Belgium. I write for The Daily Mash, Le Gorafi, and other things. Wanna hire me? Sweet. HTTP://boumal.substack.com