Queen Finally Gets On Tinder

Moving on from the death of her husband in a suspiciously short amount of time, Queen Elizabeth reportedly signed up on Tinder this weekend in an effort to “see what’s out there.”

“You can tell she’d been waiting for this for ages”, said Prince Charles about her mother creating herself an account on the dating app known for leading to casual sex. “I had no idea she had so many pictures of herself doing yoga poses on the beach, she really went all in.”

The recently single monarch reportedly hired a dating app coach to increase her chances, and was told to bring out her adventurous side by uploading exciting travel pictures. “I feel slightly bad that she cropped me out, but I’m glad she’s putting herself out there”, said Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.

Obviously ready to mingle, Elizabeth II spent a lot of time crafting her profile, witnesses reporting that her bio mentions ‘She/Her’ and ‘here for a good time not a long time, as a matter of fact not a long time at all.’

“I thought she was a bit showing off with all her fancy hats”, said Neil, a Tinder user who recently came across the Queen while he was swiping. “That’s not normally my type”, he added, but admits to swiping right. “It’s a numbers game, innit?”

At press time, it was reported that the Queen of the United Kingdom had unmatched a 25-year-old after coming to the conclusion that he was “a fuckboy.”