Priest At Funeral Trying Way Too Hard To Say Good Things About Dead Jerk

Trying hard to do his job comforting people with his speech this morning, Reverend Brett Hughes really struggled to find any good thing to say about the massive jerk who died.

“He was a member of the community, I suppose. Known for his strong personality and… his work ethic as an estate lawyer, I guess?”, said the Reverend, who despite delivering hundreds of funeral homilies before, really had to push it to try and say something sincere about the huge asshole whose memory was being honored.

“I can’t pull out any of that ‘devoted husband and father’ crap when everybody knows he was abusive and was cheating on his wife the day he got his heart attack. Usually, I tell an amusing anecdote or something, but all the so-called fun anecdotes about this guy involve him starting a fight or stealing money to buy drugs.”

Funeral attendants reported that after the Reverend’s initial difficulties during his homily, he eventually decided to wing it by telling some random story about Jesus.