Man’s Beach Body Still Below World Health Organization Guidelines

Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, Director-General of the World Health Organization

Having finally reached his target weight to comfortably explore the beaches this summer, Joe Williamson is still at a critically unhealthy weight. According to Director-General of the WHO, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, Williamson should seek medical guidance to minimize the risks of developing a serious condition.

“I can’t wait to go on vacation and take advantage of my new healthy body by playing volleyball on the beach”, said the 38-year-old with fatty liver disease who still has to take a break in the middle of a short flight of stairs and is at constant risk of having his feet amputated.

“It’s been a long and hard journey, working at my desk instead of lying in my bed, and giving up In-N-Out burgers in favor of Taco Bell for more veggies, but in the end, it’s all worth it to be able to breathe a little less loudly when I chew my food.”

“If I may say this on behalf of the whole world, this man should honestly just go to a hospital”, said Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus during a press conference, adding “Don’t be a lazy fuck.”

Sources close to Williamson reported that as he was celebrating his achievement with pancakes and Canadian bacon, he got a call from his cardiologist to “come over immediately.”

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Mathieu Boumal

I’m a comedian and writer originally from Belgium. I write for The Daily Mash, Le Gorafi, and other things. Wanna hire me? Sweet. HTTP://boumal.substack.com