Abusive Girlfriend Overjoyed To Finally Find Legitimate Reason To Yell At Boyfriend

Photo by engin akyurt on Unsplash

Having been used to yelling at him for absolutely no reason whatsoever, abusive girlfriend Charlotte Keller was thrilled to finally have a proper justification for verbally abusing her boyfriend.

“Usually I have nothing concrete to use against him, so I’ll just make up some shit about one of his female friends or whatever, and it can be pretty challenging at times”, said Keller, who has been emotionally abusive to her boyfriend for three years and doesn’t plan to stop anytime soon.

“Normally I’d say she’s freaking nuts, but I’ve got to admit I kind of fucked up this time”, said her partner, Bert MacDonald, who is used to getting utterly mistreated and doesn’t realize he deserves much better than a toxic, possessive girlfriend.

Friends of the couple reported that, as always, Bert actually did nothing wrong, and probably just admitted wrongdoing so she would “drop that knife.”



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Mathieu Boumal

I’m a comedian and writer originally from Belgium. I write for The Daily Mash, Le Gorafi, and other things. Wanna hire me? Sweet. HTTP://boumal.substack.com