KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — An eight-year-old child that was killed during a terrorist attack by the Taliban last year was lucky enough to have a picture of him taken shortly before the bombing, which will from now on immortalize him after having been uploaded to Shutterstock for the generous price of…

Browsing for wine at the liquor store, Eleanor Ames was specifically looking for a bottle she would be comfortable pouring down the sink in the event she decided to quit again. “I don’t want a crappy wine, but at the same time, I don’t want to spend too much money…

As he explained the Dünning-Krüger, a cognitive bias stating that people with low ability tend to overestimate their ability, Frankie Knight was unaware that he was showing signs of the very thing he was describing. “It’s a very well-known thing in psychology, trust me, I know what I’m talking about”…

Wishing he could go back in time to a simpler time, Bernie Lofoten described the forgotten perks of being allowed to speak your mind uncensored and not having access to anesthesia to go through horrendous surgery. “Imagine what it must have been like two hundred years ago, back when you…

SAN FRANCISCO, California — Giving a speech on willpower at a TEDx conference, 13-year-old paraplegic Hannah Godin only managed to inspire people because of her inability to walk and not because of any substance in her words. “I’m here to tell you that if I can get over my fears…

Discovering the pleasures of spreading it all around her lips and enjoying its beautiful smell, Elizabeth Tottenham has been taking more joy from her vanilla-scented lip balm than from making out with her boyfriend. “It’s delicious and it feels so good on my lips, making them feel soft and smooth…

JERUSALEM — Highly respected representatives of the three main Abrahamic religions decided to set aside their differences and come together for a bloody fight in which only one of them will survive. “We thought it would be important to take a break with all these heated discussions and realize that…

Having been used to yelling at him for absolutely no reason whatsoever, abusive girlfriend Charlotte Keller was thrilled to finally have a proper justification for verbally abusing her boyfriend. “Usually I have nothing concrete to use against him, so I’ll just make up some shit about one of his female…

Increasingly aware of the dangers of political correctness, Caleb Holiday is worried it might be making people overreact about things such as dead kids in war-torn countries. “People are so over-sensitive these days, it’s like it’s impossible to bomb a bunch of innocent children without the woke crowd crying about…